What i desire most--honesty and relationships

Being confined is never a feeling that anyone would approve of, and yet it is inescapable. People tell you to express yourself, become an individual, yet when you do they throw you out as an outcast. They state that your words are ludicrous and unnecessary, yet if those words were to be expressed back to them they would be upset and state that you’re pathetic. You’re just again speaking nonsensical statements. But that’s beside the point. What I seek, and what I think everyone seeks, is a relationship, a bond, in which they can let their inhibitions run free. Where there is no restraint on what is said or done. We say that we are free to express what we want, but then are too confined from social norms and empathy for others to the point where the possibility of the freedom of expression isn’t possible. You just simply have to keep your thoughts in your head, because it’s the “right thing to do.” But if there is one instant in which someone who expresses themselves, speaks the truth in which no one wants to hear because to them it’s hurtful, they are better off lying, or not saying anything wrong (which to me, is a form of lying). And isn’t it ironic that those who worship on the fact of being completely honest would rather someone lie to protect feelings. It’s an endless paradox, do we decide on honesty, select honesty, or just full out lying. This leads into the discussion of all or none beliefs, in which I wish not to cover, but will address. Who are we to pick/choose which truth is right and which is better off not mentioned? Which one is right, which one is wrong? Who decides this? What decides this? or even, Is it necessary for this decision to be made? I believe that the world is full of grey areas, yet on the matter of honesty, I must come back to black and white. There are no partial truths, either you’re telling the truth or you’re lying.

But let’s get back to the initial point. Isn’t it sad, that such bonds cannot be created? There will always be some sort of restraint on any relationship. This thought I believe is the reason why I have been single for my whole life. I am searching for someone in which I can be completely honest with, yet it’s not all that possible. I know most of my friends would like to believe that I can say anything I want to them, but that’s not true. If I did, we wouldn’t be friends. It’s a part of growing up, ya know? You have to respect other’s wishes, but in doing so, you are not fulfilling your own.

Maybe it’s good though, that we do not say everything that’s on our minds. Obviously I am not advocating that we do such a thing. That would lead to all out loneliness for everyone. I saw on a House episode where someone was stricken with a disease which forced him to not be able to control what he says, and simply says everything that he thinks. It led to the destruction of his family. How could you manage? It’s an interesting aspect of honesty is it not? Can you be completely honest, when you have all these secret perceptions? My answer is of course not. Yet it, too, is inescapable. I am certain that if blunt honesty was used, 24/7, the world would be worse off than anything.

So it seems like I am just out of luck, eh? I want a relationship in which we can be completely honest with each other, including expressing our secret thoughts, yet I fear that if that happened it would lead to the destruction of said relationship. I am hopeful that my perception is false, so there would be a possibility for a fulfilling relationship out there for me. Yet that future looks bleak.