Starting up Insanity

Well...i have always wanted to do some sort of physical test, and here it is. "Beachbody Insanity" is what i am gonna try. I have taken my measurements and am about to start the fitness test. Tomorrow will be the first day of actually doing something. But i am ready. From what i read it seems that this can either give me the results i want or just put me in great shape. It's pretty much all cardio which i am ready for. (My goal is to run 2mi by May) But as of now this is what i am planning on doing. I just hope i become dedicated to it and have success afterwards.

Measurements:

Weight: 145 (really a guesstimate considering the scale is in a room in which i cannot get to)

Height: 6' 1.5"

BMI: 18.9

Body Fat%: 13.5%

Neck: 14"

Chest: 34"

Waist: 27.25"

Hips: 35.75"

Right Thigh: 19.25"

Left Thigh: 19.5"

Right Calf: 13.5"

Left Calf: 13"

Right Bicep: 10.25"

Left Bicep: 10.75"

Right Forearm: 9.5"

Left Forearm: 9.85"

Let's see how this works!

What i desire most--honesty and relationships

Being confined is never a feeling that anyone would approve of, and yet it is inescapable. People tell you to express yourself, become an individual, yet when you do they throw you out as an outcast. They state that your words are ludicrous and unnecessary, yet if those words were to be expressed back to them they would be upset and state that you’re pathetic. You’re just again speaking nonsensical statements. But that’s beside the point. What I seek, and what I think everyone seeks, is a relationship, a bond, in which they can let their inhibitions run free. Where there is no restraint on what is said or done. We say that we are free to express what we want, but then are too confined from social norms and empathy for others to the point where the possibility of the freedom of expression isn’t possible. You just simply have to keep your thoughts in your head, because it’s the “right thing to do.” But if there is one instant in which someone who expresses themselves, speaks the truth in which no one wants to hear because to them it’s hurtful, they are better off lying, or not saying anything wrong (which to me, is a form of lying). And isn’t it ironic that those who worship on the fact of being completely honest would rather someone lie to protect feelings. It’s an endless paradox, do we decide on honesty, select honesty, or just full out lying. This leads into the discussion of all or none beliefs, in which I wish not to cover, but will address. Who are we to pick/choose which truth is right and which is better off not mentioned? Which one is right, which one is wrong? Who decides this? What decides this? or even, Is it necessary for this decision to be made? I believe that the world is full of grey areas, yet on the matter of honesty, I must come back to black and white. There are no partial truths, either you’re telling the truth or you’re lying.

But let’s get back to the initial point. Isn’t it sad, that such bonds cannot be created? There will always be some sort of restraint on any relationship. This thought I believe is the reason why I have been single for my whole life. I am searching for someone in which I can be completely honest with, yet it’s not all that possible. I know most of my friends would like to believe that I can say anything I want to them, but that’s not true. If I did, we wouldn’t be friends. It’s a part of growing up, ya know? You have to respect other’s wishes, but in doing so, you are not fulfilling your own.

Maybe it’s good though, that we do not say everything that’s on our minds. Obviously I am not advocating that we do such a thing. That would lead to all out loneliness for everyone. I saw on a House episode where someone was stricken with a disease which forced him to not be able to control what he says, and simply says everything that he thinks. It led to the destruction of his family. How could you manage? It’s an interesting aspect of honesty is it not? Can you be completely honest, when you have all these secret perceptions? My answer is of course not. Yet it, too, is inescapable. I am certain that if blunt honesty was used, 24/7, the world would be worse off than anything.

So it seems like I am just out of luck, eh? I want a relationship in which we can be completely honest with each other, including expressing our secret thoughts, yet I fear that if that happened it would lead to the destruction of said relationship. I am hopeful that my perception is false, so there would be a possibility for a fulfilling relationship out there for me. Yet that future looks bleak.

Death and Memory

So yesterday in English we talked about what you would be remembered for, or who you would want to remember you when you die. This is a very ambiguous question, yet everyone assumes the meaning of the question? Pretty much everyone would be famous, have their picture on a wall, be remembered for their causes on the world, but i couldn't grasp a true answer. I suppose that is because i wasn't really focusing on right now, but on the future. What would future me want to be remembered by? Now i would like to see people answer this. It would be much more difficult. We have no idea what our future selves are going to be like, and that's scary. We have no idea what is going to have an affect on us, we have no idea what is going to happen for us, we have NO IDEA if we're even going to have a future self. We can have faith that we do, but we don't really know.

What if our dreams don't come true? What if we don't have a tomorrow? What if? What if? The future is unknown, and for that same reason, i believe that the future is scary, and any question that deals with the future cannot be answered. We can presume what would be our answer, yet we don't know. It's not possible, at all.

Death is something that is unknown as well. Which is why, again, it is scary. But some of us decide to take the matter of death into our own hands. We can decide when we'll die, by what we die from, etc. Yet our society looks down on these people. To me suicide isn't technically a cop out. It might be literally their only escape. Life is being brutal as always, and you cannot just go on. I understand, i mean i have contemplated it before. I know. What you have to realize though, is that people that contemplate suicide aren't those who appear sad. You don't have to worry about them. Worry about the happy people. Most people who are happy have a tendency to be dying souls on the inside, they just don't want anyone to know it out of the fear of being pitied.
Suicide, as stated above, is taboo in our society. I am just too stubborn to be suicidal now. Life gives you troubles, you just have to find a solution and don't let it get you down. Or else you will fall and be smothered.
Either way, "Dont give up, you are loved" -Josh Groban

Cycles: Good v Bad

This post will be talking about good versus bad days. Basically through my 17 years of living I have recognized a pattern. I am not so sure why this occurs yet it does. You're best day is always followed by your worst day. Now this can be a week, a moment in time, but normally it's in days. There are plenty examples that proves this true.

This summer was incredibly awesome, and what follows, this year which has been incredibly brutal.

The day after i got into GSP, i lost in a competition

The day before i was rejected from the Honors College, i was in a great mood and optimistic for a change.

Ummm.....i cannot remember others for the mere fact that they're not that important, yet it occurs.

Now my hypotheses on why this happens
1) Yin Yang. Maybe you have too much light in your life, and when it gets out of control you have to have a bad day to create an equilibrium.
2) The devil gets angry at god for giving us a good day, so he takes his wrath out on us the next.
3) Possibly the best reason, we assume that our days are going to continue the way that our best day is. so when it is normal, or slightly bad, our expectations are depleted because we are let down.

It seems tho that there are great amount of times where there is just a gray area, yet when the light comes. don't take it for granted, and enjoy it, because the next day might be the worst day of your life. Just know that this might occur and don't allow yourself to think that what you are experiencing will last forever. Every day is a new one, and each days has different experiences, which means different emotions. Don't forget to live everyday to it's fullest, and hope that you will have another day ahead of you.

Hypocritical Assault

Everyone is hypocrites. This is just pure human nature at it's finest. So it would be assumed that since we're all hypocrites, everyone would accept it and just admit people have faults. But this isn't the case. People are very quick to judge. (Again another sign of being human.) It seems impossible for others to be considerate and be like "You know what, people make mistakes." Why is this??? Why can't most people admit that it is ok to be wrong??? Why is it that most people cannot both forgive and forget???

This has been driving me crazy for some time now. I'm not even sure how to answer these questions because i am not even remotely close to as what the answer might be. Yet i will give it a shank. :D

"Why is this...or why is it impossible for others to admit that others are wrong?" Basically this is because most people are self centered. They assume that since they aren't ever wrong then everyone else is the same way. Or maybe it is that each person has such high expectations for each other that when one falls through, or fails to complete a task, we are let down and our trust is broken. This reminds me of a theory we learned in psych, i am not so sure of the name, but basically it states that we assume that everyone is in the same mental state that we are. For example, if one person is quite confident, then everyone is confident.

"Why is it that most people cannot both forgive and forget???" This one is something that i strive to do. But most people believe that living by this way is false. so first off, i will state my opinion on truly forgiving. Ok so now if you forget but don't forgive, then you are just stupid because you forgot what has been happening but there is still a grudge there. Not very good at all. If you forgive but not forget, are you really forgiving them? Seriously tho, most people would agree that it would be completely forgiving, yet i don't see it that way. The way i view it is that everyone makes judgements about others based on both first impressions and actions. Now the way we act around people are based on our judgements. So if we forgive a person, yet don't forget what has occurred, is it possible that we are truly able to forgive? I don't think so, because for the mere fact that we will still act different around the person, no matter what the consequences are. Therefore, forgiving and forgetting is the best plan in my book. People deserve complete second chances. No matter, how hard you try, you cannot have another second chance unless the person forgets the unexcusable act in the first place.

Now, to answer the question, basically everyone has trust issues. People cannot trust people completely no matter how hard they try. There will be skeptisism SOMEWHERE. Therefore, if a person forgives but doesn't forget, it shows what is previously stated. People think that we (both forgivers and forgetters) are naive, but i would say that we might be, but i would much rather give someone a complete clean slate, rather than saying that there is one, and not actually give one. *Hypocrites!*

All in all, i just believe that all humans have trust issues somewhere deep inside them. but if you are one that does not, then i applaud you. It is awesome to be able to have faith in others. If only i could do that....